It finally happened

I finally told Granola that I think I am relapsing.  Yes, I have been skirting the issue for several weeks, (ok months) I came clean telling her that I have been fighting this thing.  Here is the thing, I really, really, REALLY, want to starve myself into oblivion. I want to go further than I ever have. I want to stop eating. I want to stop feeling. I do not want to eat ever again. I am trying so hard to get to a point where I can trust people with my vulnerabilities.  I am trying to find out who will walk this road with me. So, far I can’t find anyone. I don’t know how to ask anyone for things. My guilt is running rampant. I hate myself for feeling cliche.